The Domestic Respect Blueprint.
Why have I started this?
It took me 20 years to acknowledge that the first relationship I saw between a male and female was unhealthy, disrespectful and out of balance. My dad also normalized hardcore pornography and infidelity. This relationship transferred to me a distorted view of healthy normal male behavior in a relationship that grew more and more distorted as I aged, drank alcohol and took drugs. It lessened when I stopped drugs and alcohol in my early 30’s. Then I became a dad at 35 and it started to become evident my lifelong insecurities were a problem, not just for my wife but something that could affect my daughters. It was a problem for me too, I didn’t want to be that guy with no tools to control feelings and stop them becoming actions. I was 40 when I decided to own my attitude towards women; starting to dissolve it and replace it with fairness, non grasping behaviors, compassion, trust and more unconditional love.
I think my story has very common themes that repeat for generations. I have an ex girl friend who’s husband won’t allow her to have any contact with ex boyfriends and has her on lockdown, checking all her accounts for contact. When I share bits of my story I hear snippets of tales from women about the men in their life, but it’s with the guys I get the most intriguing response. This look of “holy shit I do that”. It’s a look of self-realization that comes across as terror. They then ask more questions and extract concepts and frameworks from me around how I’ve become less “douchie”.
I’ve started this movement because I believe these conversations between males can change the world. I believe that we men need to encourage each other to treat women with respect at all times. I believe that a whole bunch of men want this, they want to change. I believe that relationships between women and men can be harmonious and happy most of the time.
Whilst the output may change, I am really clear on my purpose and that is to get males being more respectful to females, and to get them talking about this with other males.
How I aim to behave.
Whilst domestic means married, this movement is about respect of all females regardless of marital status. I believe that disrespect towards females starts when men are boys and escalates entire lifetimes if left unchecked. I believe that no man can impose restrictions on his partner. Equality is the freedom to say, do, and think whatever you want that causes no harm to others or self. I believe that attraction is the glue that binds couples, not children, and evolving one’s self to a calmer, wiser more balanced human will fuel that attraction and improve happiness for the individual, the couple, the kids and the household. It will improve friendships, workplaces and schoolyards. It is how we change the world.
This is not about public shaming; this is about identifying and calling out the behaviors that disrespect women, when we call out behaviors it’s not about passing judgment.
It’s a men’s issue; I will always aim to encourage dads, boys, sons, granddads, uncles, mates, to take the lead and speak the unspoken. I don’t want women to take responsibility for the issue but I’d love and embrace female input, counsel, conversation, wisdom and leadership. Like hearing your stories and take on how guys have treated you, so guys can really start to understand the impact of their disrespect from your perspective.
Domestic Respect isn’t about directly tackling domestic violence. That requires expert skills and professional training I don’t have. My goal is to tackle it earlier in life and love with a long-term behavioral change approach. However I will support those organizations and government entities who do tackle domestic violence in whatever ways I can.
My aim is to capture, plot and start discussions about the entire spectrum of disrespectful behaviors, intentions and actions, males have towards females. Over time I’ll start to classify these on the ‘disrespectrum’ from silence to violence
What will this movement look like?
Don’t know exactly but I have my intent and purpose clear so it doesn’t matter if the what changes, so long as the message gets out right. I imagine the output to be a series of projects and initiatives that create all forms of content, from articles, books, events, podcasts, workshops that will turn the cause into positive action that helps men change themselves and the males around them.
The first project is currently underway - “Dear Men Of Tomorrow”. I am asking woman of the world to finish this sentence from experience – “Please don’t be the boyfriend who...” My aim is for this to become a book for dads to give to their sons, as they become men. “Women of the world” will be credited as authors of it. It will help serve as a hand guide of how to be a better boyfriend or man.
I intend this to be a series including “Dear Men Of Tomorrow, please don’t be that guy at work who...” I will use the stories I receive to plot behaviors on the “disrespectrum” – This will serve as data, content and inspiration to help us build further projects and workshops.